9 years.....
Yup thats how much time has passed
9 years since my life was ripped up from under me
At times it feels like longer
At times it doesnt even seem close
Many things have passed
Milestones have been reached
Not one day I dont think of it
Just the one day it sits out front
I like to think Ive pulled myself together
grown up
made my own family
With a loving husband
and wonderful child
but nothing feels the gap in my heart
dont think anything ever will
but its ok
I dont want anything to fill that area
Its special to me
When ever i feel the emptiness come on too strong
I remember my angel
that follows me where ever i go
watches over what ever i do
keeps me safe
Picks me up when it becomes too much
I hope ive made you proud
Even though you cant be here
I carry on
Anthony will always know who his grandma is
I miss you Mom
Love you always
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Headache....
Ugh today was long.
Ant's been sleeping through the night fine but getting to actually fall asleep or nap is a serious struggle.
Last night we laid down to go to bed at 8:00...I believe i finally was able to put him in his bed at 9:45
Today we sat down for nap time at 12:25 he was asleep at 12:30.
Should have known something was wrong right then.
He was back awake at 12:47
Sat till about 2:22 trying to put him back to sleep NOPE not happening
Got through the day...it took foreverrrrrr
sat down for bed time at about 820.....he was out at 8:35
Will hopefully be out till at least 730am
The other struggle we've been going through is eating....
He starts giving me all his signals that he's hungry ie.mamama running in the kitchen trying to pull open fridge and cupboards
So I go make him his meal, get it on the tray, get him in his chair and let him go
He will eat a handful of bites.......then.....
he starts chucking food fussin and some more mamamama
so i take off his tray and he doesnt want down
Put it back he eats a few more bites then it repeats
Lets just say the carpet is already spotted in this apt
oh well.. its life
Guess for those to be my only real complaints i should be thankful
I was completly frustrated by the end of my day but then i was in our bedroom picking up some stuff heard daddy come home looked over just to see ant's face completly light up and he starts to squeal. It makes me kinda like him after all....
Ant's been sleeping through the night fine but getting to actually fall asleep or nap is a serious struggle.
Last night we laid down to go to bed at 8:00...I believe i finally was able to put him in his bed at 9:45
Today we sat down for nap time at 12:25 he was asleep at 12:30.
Should have known something was wrong right then.
He was back awake at 12:47
Sat till about 2:22 trying to put him back to sleep NOPE not happening
Got through the day...it took foreverrrrrr
sat down for bed time at about 820.....he was out at 8:35
Will hopefully be out till at least 730am
The other struggle we've been going through is eating....
He starts giving me all his signals that he's hungry ie.mamama running in the kitchen trying to pull open fridge and cupboards
So I go make him his meal, get it on the tray, get him in his chair and let him go
He will eat a handful of bites.......then.....
he starts chucking food fussin and some more mamamama
so i take off his tray and he doesnt want down
Put it back he eats a few more bites then it repeats
Lets just say the carpet is already spotted in this apt
oh well.. its life
Guess for those to be my only real complaints i should be thankful
I was completly frustrated by the end of my day but then i was in our bedroom picking up some stuff heard daddy come home looked over just to see ant's face completly light up and he starts to squeal. It makes me kinda like him after all....
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Need more hours in a day
Yup I now realize why adults used to say that when I was a child.
Cause as I sit here now at 9:15pm
my childs asleep
and i think of all the things i wanna do before I fall asleep
All those things that take way to long with a child hangin off your leg
Loads of Laundry
Kitchen cleaned
clean sheets back on the bed
long hot shower
do some sewing for christmas presents
get some scrapbooking accomplished of new pics i just got printed
An lots of other things
What do i do?
Sit here and watch tivo.
What can I say I cant resist me some vampire diaries
..(BTW shes totally realizing silent hottie is a vamp)
Ugh Big fat ugh....
My days are slow repetitious days....nothing new nothing accomplished
Oh well
I swear I hit 25 and all the lil things that were wrong with my body
have decided to BLOW UP
Had what I figure was a strained muscle in my side
For the better part of the week
Couldn't sit
stand
lay down
bend over
for too long
IT was painful
Seems to have disappeared
Course now that I speak of it
Its gonna return
Now
I got up from sitting yesterday
almost fell
myleft knee felt like it was gonna just pop out on me
Ugh something new
Love the people who say go to the doctor
People telling me I probably had this
that
or
this
Sorry no insurance or money for an ER visit...
Sad but true
Unless im bleeding or bones popping out
we take an ibuprofen
Call it a night
At least until Mikes worked enough his insurance kicks in
The other issue
me working
I would absolutly LOVE LOVE LOVE
to get out of the house on a daily basis
But I have to look at it realisticly
What job am I gonna get
With the minimal experience on my resume
That will give me hours between 7am-6pm
Mon thru fri
Not weekends since daycares dont do weekends and we both cant work on the ends
That will pay for my child to go to day care
AND bring home money in the end
Yeah theres not lot of choice there
That and the driving issue
I dont do well in snow
(too many issues with OTHER drivers in the snow have made me paranoid)
My last job....didnt have to go to work when it snowed lol
Made things soo much easier
Dont think I can find a job with those requirements
Ah well its taken me 30 minutes to write a whole bunch of nonsense
Oh well if your here you should be used to it
If not Hope you come back to visit agian
Maybe be popping in time to time with random thoughts here or there
Never anything exciting
Cause that just doesnt happen in my mundane life
Clarification:
Before I get the people with the thoughts about my thoughts
I love my life...I would not give it up for anything in the world
I would do anything for my boys
But my life can become very boring most days
Cause as I sit here now at 9:15pm
my childs asleep
and i think of all the things i wanna do before I fall asleep
All those things that take way to long with a child hangin off your leg
Loads of Laundry
Kitchen cleaned
clean sheets back on the bed
long hot shower
do some sewing for christmas presents
get some scrapbooking accomplished of new pics i just got printed
An lots of other things
What do i do?
Sit here and watch tivo.
What can I say I cant resist me some vampire diaries
..(BTW shes totally realizing silent hottie is a vamp)
Ugh Big fat ugh....
My days are slow repetitious days....nothing new nothing accomplished
Oh well
I swear I hit 25 and all the lil things that were wrong with my body
have decided to BLOW UP
Had what I figure was a strained muscle in my side
For the better part of the week
Couldn't sit
stand
lay down
bend over
for too long
IT was painful
Seems to have disappeared
Course now that I speak of it
Its gonna return
Now
I got up from sitting yesterday
almost fell
myleft knee felt like it was gonna just pop out on me
Ugh something new
Love the people who say go to the doctor
People telling me I probably had this
that
or
this
Sorry no insurance or money for an ER visit...
Sad but true
Unless im bleeding or bones popping out
we take an ibuprofen
Call it a night
At least until Mikes worked enough his insurance kicks in
The other issue
me working
I would absolutly LOVE LOVE LOVE
to get out of the house on a daily basis
But I have to look at it realisticly
What job am I gonna get
With the minimal experience on my resume
That will give me hours between 7am-6pm
Mon thru fri
Not weekends since daycares dont do weekends and we both cant work on the ends
That will pay for my child to go to day care
AND bring home money in the end
Yeah theres not lot of choice there
That and the driving issue
I dont do well in snow
(too many issues with OTHER drivers in the snow have made me paranoid)
My last job....didnt have to go to work when it snowed lol
Made things soo much easier
Dont think I can find a job with those requirements
Ah well its taken me 30 minutes to write a whole bunch of nonsense
Oh well if your here you should be used to it
If not Hope you come back to visit agian
Maybe be popping in time to time with random thoughts here or there
Never anything exciting
Cause that just doesnt happen in my mundane life
Clarification:
Before I get the people with the thoughts about my thoughts
I love my life...I would not give it up for anything in the world
I would do anything for my boys
But my life can become very boring most days
Been too Long
Yeah stumbled back upon this looking for another site. Realized its been far too long since Ive updated it. Still amazes me that so much time has gone by so quickly.If you know me you know whats happened in the past year and a half so I wont bother updating then. Hopefully be able to update more often from here on out. All depends on how much time the child gives me to sit at the computer and not fuss at me. Until next time.
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